My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak. (James 1:19)

The first service that one owes to others consists in listening to them. Just as love to God begins with listening to His Word, so the beginning of love for our brothers is learning to listen to them. - Dietrich Bonhoeffer 

A while back I sat down to lunch with a friend. It had been a few months since we last connected. When I asked him how he was doing, he shared about a frustrating situation at work. I listened for a few more minutes, but then proceeded to give him lots of unsolicited advice and ideas about how to fix the situation. He graciously listened, paid for lunch when we finished, and then we went our separate ways.

Since Jesus’ earthly ministry, there has been no greater teacher. Jesus was said to teach with an authority that no one had ever heard. It was also said that he had the words to eternal life. However, a cornerstone of Jesus' teaching technique was to ask thought-provoking questions and let the listener wrestle with the implications. One Bible teacher said that in the gospels Jesus asks more than 300 questions to individuals. Even at a young age in the temple, Jesus had acquired the skill of listening and asking questions.

Recently, in another conversation with my same friend, he told me about how discouraging that lunch was for him. He wasn't looking for someone to tell him what to do. He needed a friend who would listen, ask good questions, and help him process why he was so upset in the first place. Even though we're trying to be helpful when we offer advice, sometimes it comes from a self-serving place. It can inflate our ego and make us feel good that we have something to contribute to someone else’s struggle, but it can leave the listener feeling unheard and unaffirmed. Next time a friend shares a struggle, listen before you speak. And when you do, ask questions that show you care.