Be Quick to Listen

A while back, I sat down to lunch with a friend. It had been a few months since we last connected. When I asked him how he was doing, he shared about a frustrating situation at work. I listened for a few more minutes, but then proceeded to give him lots of unsolicited advice and ideas about how to fix the situation. He graciously listened, paid for lunch when we finished, and then we went our separate ways.

Since Jesus’ earthly ministry, there has been no greater teacher to walk the earth. Jesus was said to teach with an authority that no one had ever heard. It was also stated that He had the words to eternal life. However, a cornerstone of Jesus’ teaching technique was to ask thought-provoking questions and let the listener wrestle with the implications. One Bible teacher said that in the gospels, Jesus asked more than 300 questions to individuals. 

The one story we have of Jesus’ youth is when He got separated from His family as they were leaving the city of Jerusalem after celebrating the Passover. After days of searching, this is what we read about when his parents found him. 

“After three days, they found him in the temple sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions” (Luke 2:46).

Even at a young age, Jesus had acquired the skill of listening and asking questions.

In another conversation with my friend, he told me how discouraging that lunch was for him. He wasn't looking for someone to tell him what to do. He needed a friend who would listen, ask good questions, and help him process why he was so upset in the first place. 

Even though we might believe we’re trying to be helpful when we offer advice, sometimes it comes from a self-serving place. It can inflate our ego and make us feel good that we have something to contribute to someone else’s struggle, but it can leave the listener feeling unheard and unaffirmed. 

Dietrich Bonhoeffer once said, 

“The first service that one owes to others consists in listening to them. Just as love to God begins with listening to His Word, so the beginning of love for our brothers is learning to listen to them.”

Next time a friend shares a struggle, listen before you speak. And when you do, ask questions that show you care.